This page lists dialogue from Age of Zombies.
Over the years, the script has undergone various changes.
WARNING: The dialogue from the original 2010 versions of the game contains profanity, most of which would be removed in later ports and updates. Viewer discretion is advised.
NOTE: The PSP version is the only one that lacks "Level Complete" messages at the end of the levels.
World 1: Prehistoric Times[]
Prologue: Brains' Lab[]
| One Evil Dude Professor Brains | |
| Barry | Surprise, Professor Shit-for-brains! |
| One Super Badass Barry Steakfries | |
| Barry | You're finished. Ditch this junk and get the hell out. I'm needed somewhere way cooler than this. |
| Brains | I think not, Mr. Steakfries. I have a super awesome surprise for you. |
| This is my Hypertimealogical Transfer Machine. | |
| Barry | Ah, an HTM. Interesting. |
| Brains | Indeed. These mindless undead zombies are being shuffled to the farthest reaches of time, and will destroy mankind for all eternity. |
| Barry | Zombies? How the hell did they get infected? |
| Brains | A new strain of deadly infectious Zomb Bomb. You may have seen the article my assistant sent out recently. |
| Barry | Sure, I read it. The paragraph on Zombie-American studies was insightful. |
| Brains | It matters not. Soon the human race will no longer exist. Sucks to be you. |
| Barry | Sucks like a fox! |
| Kill Prof. Brains! Press ◯ to shoot Right | |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | So, it's Attack of the Time Zombies, huh? This looks like an ass-kicking job for Barry Steakfries, bizzoy! |
| One Evil Dude Professor Brains | |
| Barry | Surprise, Professor Shit-for-brains! |
| One Super Badass Barry Steakfries | |
| Brains | You're too late, Mr. Steakfries, my zombies are now infecting every period of time. |
| But before I go, let me ask you this. Did you enjoy my traps on your dash here? | |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | So YOU'RE responsible for those poorly placed hearts. You truly were evil! |
| One Evil Dude Professor Brains | |
| Barry | Surprise, Professor Snot-for-brains! |
| One Super Badass Barry Steakfries | |
| Brains | You're too late, Mr. Steakfries, my zombies are now infecting every period of time. |
| But before I go, let me ask you this. Did you enjoy my traps on your dash here? | |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | So YOU'RE responsible for those poorly placed hearts. You truly were evil! |
| One Evil Dude Professor Brains | |
| Barry | Surprise, Professor Snot-for-brains! |
| One Super Badass Barry Steakfries | |
| Brains | You're too late, Mr. Steakfries, my zombies are now infecting every period of time. |
| But before I go, let me reveal my world domination plan in an epic monologue! | |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | Talk to the shotgun! |
| Barry | Surprise, Professor Brains! |
| Brains | Too late, Barry! My Zombies are now infecting all periods of time! Nothing can stop me! |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | Talk to the shotgun! |
| Barry | Surprise, Professor Brains! |
| Brains | Too late, Barry Steakfries! My Zombies are wreaking havoc across multiple worlds and eras! Nothing can stop them now! |
| Barry | Not even a shotgun? |
| Brains | Well yes, that might be a setback for me... |
Level 1: Intro/Tutorial[]
| Barry | Ah, crap. This does not look like Big Jimmy Bob's Ultimate Beer n' Burger Bar. |
| It looks like Zombies All Up In My Shit Restaurant. | |
| Zombie | ITCCCHHYYY, TAAAASTYYY...... |
| Barry | Die, you brainless parasite! |
| Stacey | To shoot in particular direction use X, ◯, △, and ▢ |
| You can also hold down [Right Trigger] to shoot in particular direction. | |
| Try shooting all of the zombies surrounding around you. | |
| Don't worry about bullets you have plenty. |
(Tutorial Section 1)
| Stacey | To move around use [Left Stick] |
| You can use [D-pad] to move around as well. | |
| Follow the green arrow to the pickup |
(Tutorial Section 2)
| Stacey | You'll need to make the most of pickups and weapons if you want to survive. |
| Also getting a good kill count with a pickup weapon will increase your score combo. | |
| This bar on the side of the screen represents the number of zombies left in this area. | |
| When the bar is empty then you may advance. | |
| Now just kill anything that moves and doesn't breathe! That means zombies! | |
| SHOOT IT UP IN DINOSAUR TIMES, STEAKFRIES! | |
(Upon collecting a Grenade pickup)
| Stacey | You have collected a secondary weapon! |
| You fire a secondary weapons using [Left Trigger]. |
| Stacey | Welcome to Prehistoric times, Barry. The time portal can leave you groggy so let's test your memory. |
| Do you remember how to move and shoot? Use the two virtual joysticks like so... | |
| HOLD left JOYSTICK in a DIRECTION to move. | |
| ROTATE right JOYSTICK in a DIRECTION to aim, Barry will AUTO-FIRE. | |
(Tutorial Section 1)
| Stacey | Collect the grenade pickup now. |
(Tutorial Section 2)
| Stacey | You have collected a secondary weapon... Grenades! |
| To throw a grenade, tap the button that appears above the firing joystick... |
(Tutorial Section 3)
| Stacey | Secondary weapons are great for killing large groups. Here are some more zombies to make go BOOM NOW!!! |
(Tutorial Section 4)
| Stacey | The joysticks will reappear whenever you place your thumbs on the screen. |
| Now just kill anything that moves and doesn't breathe! That means zombies! | |
| SHOOT IT UP IN DINOSAUR TIMES, STEAKFRIES! | |
| Stacey | Welcome to Prehistoric times, Barry. The time portal can leave you groggy so let's test your memory. |
| Do you remember how to move and shoot? Use the two dual analog sticks like so... | |
| HOLD left stick in a DIRECTION to move. | |
| ROTATE right stick in a DIRECTION to aim, Barry will AUTO-FIRE. | |
(Tutorial Section 1)
| Stacey | Collect the grenade pickup now. |
(Tutorial Section 2)
| Stacey | You have collected a secondary weapon... Grenades! |
| To throw a grenade, press the L or R buttons. |
(Tutorial Section 3)
| Stacey | Secondary weapons are great for killing large groups. Here are some more zombies to make go BOOM NOW!!! |
(Tutorial Section 4)
| Stacey | The joysticks will reappear whenever you place your thumbs on the screen. |
| Now just kill anything that moves and doesn't breathe! That means zombies! | |
| SHOOT IT UP IN DINOSAUR TIMES, STEAKFRIES! | |
| Stacey | Welcome to Prehistoric times, Barry. Do you remember how to move and shoot? |
(Tutorial Section 1)
| Stacey | You have collected a secondary weapon... Grenades! |
| To throw a grenade, tap the button that appears above the red firing joystick... | |
| SHOOT IT UP IN DINOSAUR TIMES, STEAKFRIES! | |
Level 1: Completed[]
| Barry | Blasting heads is fun, but where's all the zombie dinosaurs and cavemen and junk? |
| Perhaps my fortune will be found if I head over to the right here... |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES CLUBBED! | |
| Barry | Blasting heads is fun, but where's all the zombie dinosaurs and cavemen and junk? |
| Perhaps my fortune will be found if I head over to the right here... | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES CLUBBED! |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Zombie Caveman | OOGA BOOGA BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSS!! |
| Barry | Hooray! These filthy undeads got their hands on the peaceful caveman folk of this fascinating era. |
| This will be of interesting note to my Museum Friends Club back home. | |
| Now, I will shoot them in the face with guns! |
(Caveman gets shot)
| CAVEMEN ARE MEN TOO! |
| Barry | Ah, crap. This does not look like Big Jimmy Bob's Ultimate Beer n' Burger Bar. |
| Zombie Caveman | OOGA BOOGA BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSS!! |
| Barry | Hooray! These filthy undeads got their hands on the peaceful caveman folk of this fascinating era. |
| This will be of interesting note to my Museum Friends Club back home. | |
| Now, I will shoot them in the face with guns! |
(Caveman gets shot)
| CAVEMEN ARE MEN TOO! |
| Zombie Caveman | OOGA BOOGA BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSS!! |
(Caveman gets shot)
| CAVEMEN ARE MEN TOO! |
| Zombie Caveman | OOGA BOOGA BRAAAAIIIINNNNSSS!! |
(Caveman gets shot)
| CAVEPEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO! |
Level 2: Completed[]
| Barry | I want a caveman zombie to take home! |
| I'll be all like, 'Hey dudes, check out my caveman zombie!' | |
| I'll feed it, take it for walks, and we'll be the best of friends. | |
| I shall name him Steve Bennett. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE CAVEMEN FOSSILIZED! | |
| Barry | I want a caveman zombie to take home! |
| I'll be all like, 'Hey dudes, check out my caveman zombie!' | |
| I'll feed it, take it for walks, and we'll be the best of friends. | |
| I shall name him Steve Bennett. | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE CAVEMEN FOSSILIZED! |
Level 3: Intro[]
| Barry | I couldn't find a cute enough caveman zombie to take home. |
| And with potty training and cleaning costs, a caveman zombie is more trouble than it's worth. | |
| I'll stick with a good old zombie dog, thanks. | |
| A ZOMBIE PET IS A BIG COMMITMENT! | |
| DESTROY THE CAVEMAN HORDE |
Level 3: Boss[]
| A ZOMBIE T-REX! RIGHT ON! | |
| Barry | Holy Balls!, A Zombie T-Rex! That's so badass I think I just crapped my pants. |
| It saddens me that I have to dispose of you, Rex. | |
| You are truly one of the greatest creations to ever walk the Earth. | |
| A ZOMBIE T-REX! RIGHT ON! | |
| Barry | Holy Balls! A Zombie T-Rex! |
| A ZOMBIE T-REX! RIGHT ON! | |
| Barry | Holy Heck! A Zombie T-Rex! |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Barry | Farewell, Zombie Dinosaur King! I am a better man for having met you. |
| I guess that about does it for caveman days. My skin is silky smooth from Dino blood, but luxuries will have to wait. | |
| It's been fun, but I'm pretty sick of Shitsville. Time to burst through this time portal old school! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE T-REX EXTINCT! | |
| Barry | Farewell, Zombie Dinosaur King! I am a better man for having met you. |
| I guess that about does it for caveman days. My skin is silky-smooth from Dino blood, but luxuries will have to wait. | |
| It's been fun, but I'm pretty sick of Shitsville. Time to burst through this time portal old school! | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE T-REX EXTINCT! | |
| Barry | Farewell, Zombie Dinosaur King! I am a better man for having met you. |
| I guess that about does it for caveman days. My skin is silky-smooth from Dino blood, but luxuries will have to wait. | |
| It's been fun, but I do miss indoor plumbing! Time to burst through this time portal old school! | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE T-REX EXTINCT! | |
| Barry | Farewell, Zombie Dinosaur King! I am a better man for having met you. |
| I guess that about does it for caveman days. My skin is silky-smooth from Dino blood, but luxuries will have to wait. | |
| Time to burst through this time portal old school! | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE T-REX EXTINCT! | |
| Barry | Farewell, Zombie Dinosaur King. If I could shake your disproportionately tiny hand, I would. |
| That about does it for my cave days. I'll miss the mammoth ribs, though... | |
| Time to bust through this time portal, old-school! | |
World 2: 1930s[]
Level 1: Intro[]
| Barry | Sweet! I always wanted to be a gangster in the 1930s. |
| Maybe Al Capone has an open position for a thug and/or goon. | |
| Zombie | RAVIOOOOOLLLLLIIIIII!!!! |
| Barry | More Zombies! Fuhgeddaboutit! |
| SOMEDAY, I WILL CALL UPON YOU TO KILL ZOMBIES. | |
| Barry | Sweet! I always wanted to be a 1930's gangster. |
| Yah, it's me, Bootleggin' Barry Steakfries, see! | |
| Zombie | RAVIOOOOOLLLLLIIIIII!!!! |
| Barry | More Zombies! Fuhgeddaboutit! |
| SOMEDAY, I WILL CALL UPON YOU TO KILL ZOMBIES. | |
Level 1: Completed[]
| Barry | I'm gonna take a class in how to make Bake Ziti and Rigatoli. |
| Then maybe I'll be accepted as a member of the Pasta Friends Club. | |
| My lifelong dream... |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES TOMMY GUNNED! | |
| Barry | I'm gonna take a class in how to make Bake Ziti and Rigatoli. |
| Then maybe I'll be accepted as a member of the Pasta Friends Club. | |
| My lifelong dream... | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES TOMMY GUNNED! | |
| Barry | These wiseguys got a lotta nerve, but they splatter like Nonna's bolognese. |
| A couple a slugs to the kisser and it's lights out, capiche? | |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Barry | Maybe I should change my name to Barry Soprano. |
| Controlling a crime empire sounds like a laugh for a lazy Saturday afternoon. | |
| Of course, crime empires need smart cookies, not brainless undead sacks of crap. | |
| I hate sacks. |
| Barry | Maybe I should change my name to Barry Soprano. |
| Controlling a crime empire sounds like a laugh for a lazy Saturday afternoon. | |
| Of course, crime empires need smart cookies, not brainless undead sacks of crap. | |
| I hate sacks. | |
| DON’T STOP BELIEVIN! | |
| Barry | Time to ice these braindead bozos. |
| DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’. | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| Barry | Boy, that sure was sack-tastic! |
| Now I just need the worker's union to give me that sack contract. | |
| Then I can swing a sack of doorknobs. | |
| It'll make me feel like a big man. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SMOOTH CRIMINALED! | |
| Barry | Boy, that sure was sack-tastic! |
| Now I just need the worker's union to give me that sack contract. | |
| Then I can swing a sack of doorknobs. | |
| It'll make me feel like a big man. | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SMOOTH CRIMINALED! | |
| Barry | Aw yeah! Bootleggin' Barry is still top dog. |
| Hey, maybe I could recruit these meatheads for my own criminal empire! | |
| Of course, crime empires need real smart cookies, and there ain't a lotta smarts left these domes... | |
Level 3: Intro/Boss[]
| Barry | An ominous street, with eerie silence... |
| Nope, I'm sure nothing bad is going to happen here. | |
| In fact, I'm so confident in the safety of this street, I think I'll cross without looking both ways. |
(Don Zombie car passes by)
| Barry | How rude! |
| Is there anyone around here with a badass attitude and lots of guns who can shoot that car to shit? |
(Camera briefly zooms in on Barry)
| Lock 'n' Load. | |
| DON ZOMBIE APPROACHES! | |
| Barry | An ominous street, with eerie silence... |
| Nope, I'm sure nothing bad is going to happen here. | |
| In fact, I'm so confident in the safety of this street, I think I'll cross without looking both ways. |
(Don Zombie car passes by)
| Barry | How rude! |
| Is there anyone around here with a badass attitude and lots of guns who can shoot that car to crap? |
(Camera briefly zooms in on Barry)
| Lock 'n' Load. | |
| DON ZOMBIE APPROACHES! | |
| Barry | An ominous street, suspiciously empty and eerily silent. |
| Nope, I'm sure nothing bad is going to happen here. | |
| In fact, I'm confident this road is safe, I think I'll cross without looking both ways. |
(Don Zombie car passes by)
| Barry | Hey, I’m jaywalkin’ here! |
(Camera briefly zooms in on Barry)
| Someone oughta teach this ride some road sense... | |
| DON ZOMBIE APPROACHES! | |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Barry | Time to leave the land of prohibition to explore sunnier, even more violent shores! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SLEEPING WITH THE FISHIES! | |
| Barry | Time to leave the land of prohibition to explore sunnier, even more violent shores! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SLEEPING WITH THE FISHIES! | |
| Barry | Hope that hotrod takes leaded! |
| ...Get it? Because of the bullets... | |
| Ah forget it. I need a break. Time to blow this joint for some sunnier shores. | |
World 3: Ancient Egypt[]
Level 1: Intro[]
| Barry | Ancient Egypt? I always thought the pyramids were a myth. |
| Runingunin | Greetings, lost stranger! I am Crown Prince Runingunin of the Royal Empire. |
| It appears our society has been overrun by foul beasts from the netherworld! | |
| If you assist with our plight, I will reward you with everlasting immortality, endless riches and a place on the Royal Consult. | |
| Barry | ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE! |
(Runingunin gets shot)
| SARCOPHAKILL! |
| Barry | Whoa! Ancient Egypt? I always thought the Pyramids were a myth. |
| Runingunin | Greetings, lost stranger! I am Crown Prince Runingunin of the Royal Empire. |
| Behold! Our once-great civilization is plagued by foul beasts from the underworld! | |
| Assist us, and I will reward you with immortality, endless riches and a two-for-one voucher at Ra-bucks. | |
| Barry | ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE! |
(Runingunin gets shot)
| SARCOPHAKILL! |
Level 1: Completed[]
| Barry | This reminds me of that movie, StarFence. |
| And to a lesser extent, the crappy TV series, which was also called StarFence. | |
| Though I'm pretty sure it didn't have a hero who could construct a bomb with paperclips like me. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE TOMBS RAIDED! | |
| Barry | This reminds me of that movie, StarFence. |
| And to a lesser extent, the crappy TV series, which was also called StarFence. | |
| Though I'm pretty sure it didn't have a hero who could construct a bomb with paperclips like me. | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE TOMBS RAIDED! | |
| Barry | This reminds me of that movie, StarFence. |
| And to a lesser extent, the crappy TV series, which was also called StarFence. | |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Runingunin | Lord Steakfries! |
| Barry | The hell? |
| Runingunin | I have been granted immortality. All members of the Royal Consult will live for hundreds of years. |
| Barry | Then why are you scared of getting killed by zombies? |
| Runingunin | I'm not. It's just that they're really sticky, and like to grab. |
| Barry | Grab what? |
| Runingunin | You don't want to know. |
| Barry | If grab they must, then kill I will. |
| NO MEANS NO! | |
| Runingunin | Lord Steakfries! |
| Barry | The heck? I thought I killed you. Or at least shot you. Honestly, it's a little unclear how death works in this game. |
| Runingunin | Fool! I am immortal! All members of Queen V's Royal Consult live for hundreds of years. |
| Barry | What happens after hundreds of years? |
| Runingunin | We're still alive, but it's not really "living". |
| Barry | So why are you scared of getting killed by zombies? |
| Runingunin | I'm not. It's just that they're really sticky, and like to grab. |
| Barry | Let's see if they can grab some high velocity projectiles! |
| NO MEANS NO! | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| Barry | The next thing these guys grab better be a bus ticket out of here. |
| If buses even existed. | |
| Runingunin | They do. Wacky Ahmed's Big Bus Bonanza. Here's their card. |
| Barry | Can I get a time-traveler's discount? |
| Runingunin | Sorry. Immortals discount only. |
| Barry | Then we have no time to waste. Let's save Ancient Egypt! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE JUST DESERTS! | |
| Barry | The next thing these guys grab better be a bus ticket out of here. |
| If buses even existed. | |
| Runingunin | They do. Wacky Ahmed's Big Bus Bonanza. Here's their card. |
| Barry | Can I get a time-traveler's discount? |
| Runingunin | Sorry. Immortals discount only. |
| Barry | Then we have no time to waste. Let's save Ancient Egypt! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE JUST DESERTS! | |
| Barry | The next thing these guys grab better be a bus ticket out of here. Do buses exist yet? |
| Runingunin | They do. Wacky Ahmed's Big Bus Bonanza. Here's their card. |
| Barry | Can I get a time-traveller's discount? |
| Runingunin | Sorry. Immortals only. |
| Barry | Then we have no time to waste. Let's save Ancient Egypt! |
| Runingunin | We just call it Egypt... |
Level 3: Intro[]
| Runingunin | We've reached the Inner Sanctum. |
| Barry | So, where is everyone? |
| Runingunin | The zombies must not have reached this far yet. We have to defend the tomb of King Pharaoah Shattinbricks. |
| Barry | These are zombies. they get into everything. Always be alert. |
| Runingunin | Wise words, Lord Steakfries. |
| Barry | Thanks. I learned it from this book I read: |
| 'Cool Stuff To Say In Case You Ever Travel Through Time To Fight Zombies.' | |
| That seemed somewhat relevant to the situation. | |
| Runingunin | Well, you were indeed correct! Here they come! |
| MY ZOMBIE SENSE IS TINGLING. ANYONE CALL FOR A HEAD EXPLODER? | |
| Runingunin | We've reached the Inner Sanctum. |
| Barry | So, where is everyone? |
| Runingunin | The underworld beasts must not have reached this far. |
| Barry | Don't be so sure. The undead never sleep. |
| Runingunin | Wise words, Lord Steakfries. |
| Barry | Thanks. I learned it from this book I read: |
| 'Cool Stuff To Say In Case You Ever Travel Through Time To Fight Zombies.' | |
| Runingunin | Did the book say anything about defending ancient tombs? |
| Barry | No, why? |
| Runingunin | No reason. Look out! |
| ZOMBIE SENSES TINGLING. ANYONE CALL FOR A HEAD EXPLODER? | |
Level 3: Boss[]
| Shattinbricks | BBBBRRRRRAAAAAIIIIIINNNNSS!!!! |
| Runingunin | King Shattinbricks! No! |
| Barry | Your king is bullet bait now. Sorry, champ. |
| Runingunin | Do what you must, Lord Steakfries! |
| Shattinbricks | BBBBRRRRRAAAAAIIIIIINNNNSS!!!! |
| Runingunin | Pharaoh Shattinbricks! No! |
| Barry | Your king is bullet bait now. Sorry, champ. |
| Runingunin | Do what you must, Lord Steakfries! |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Barry | And that's the end of that chapter. |
| Runingunin | Another cool quote? |
| Barry | Of course. |
| Because when it comes to one-liners... | |
| Steakfries never wastes time. |
("YEEAAAAHH!" passes by on the screen, flinging Barry into the portal)
| Runingunin | Lord Steakfries! Your immortality and riches! |
| Barry | Find me in the futuuuurrrre! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY! | |
| Barry | And that's the end of that chapter. |
| Runingunin | Another cool quote? |
| Barry | Of course. |
| Because when it comes to one-liners... | |
| Steakfries never wastes time. | |
("YEEAAAAHH!" passes by on the screen, flinging Barry into the portal)
| Runingunin | Lord Steakfries! Your immortality and riches! |
| Barry | Find me in the futuuuurrrre! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY! | |
| Barry | And that's the end of that chapter. |
| Runingunin | Another line from your book? |
| Barry | You know it. When it comes to one-liners... |
| ...Steakfries never wastes time. | |
| Runingunin | 4/10... |
| Barry | Are you going to critique my oneliners or are you gonna give me my reward? |
| Runingunin | Ah yes, of course. Come, Lord Steakfries! Your immortality and riches await! |
| Barry | There's no time now. Find me in the futuuuurrrre! |
World 4: Ancient Japan[]
Level 1: Intro[]
| Barry | How delightful! What a peaceful Japanese village. |
| I'm having Samurai Shampoo flashbacks. Perhaps my adventures here will be as badass as that show. | |
| Tanaka | You are so big and clean! I am humble man Tanaka, and I need desperate help! |
| Barry | O Tanaka-san! It is my honor to visit your village! |
| Tanaka | Thank you please! |
| Barry | I have to say, these zombies are in need of a swift shamisen to the back of the head. |
| Tanaka | Yes sir Mr. Super Lucky Happy Fun-time Emperor! I trust want to be friends and honorably save village! |
| Barry | Why can't everyone be as cool as you, Tanaka-san? |
| BE A MAN! | |
| Barry | Oh awesome, Ancient Japan! Just how it looked in my Anime collection! |
| Tanaka | The Oni have returned! Please use your firework stick to save the Tanaka family! |
| Barry | Do not worry Tanaka-San, I will destroy these demons and return honor to your village! |
| BE A MAN! | |
| Barry | Oh awesome, Ancient Japan! Just like my Anime collection! |
| Tanaka | The Oni have returned! Please use your firework stick to save the Tanaka family! |
| Barry | Do not worry Tanaka-San, I will destroy these demons and return honor to your village! |
| Tanaka | Just the demons is fine. |
| BE A MAN! | |
Level 1: Completed[]
| Barry | Nenrei zonbi no ruuru. Watashi wa subete watashi no tomodachi ni itteoku! |
| My Japanese kicks ass. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES DISHONOURED! | |
| Barry | Nenrei zonbi no ruuru. Watashi wa subete watashi no tomodachi ni itteoku! |
| My Japanese kicks ass. | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES DISHONOURED! | |
| Barry | Tanaka's family is saved, and Zombies sliced to Sushi! |
| Maybe he can teach me some Ninja moves to impress the ladies! | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ZOMBIES DISHONOURED! | |
| Barry | Tanaka's family is saved, and Zombies sliced to Sushi! |
| Hey, maybe Tanaka can teach me some Ninja moves to impress the ladies! | |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Barry | I don't get it Tanaka-san. I thought Japanese people were humble and polite. |
| These guys are bitey and smell like ass. | |
| Tanaka | Ass smell is very bad. This brings shame to family and Matsuhishironanaca Corporation. |
| Barry | No, not Matsuhishironanaca! They are my favourite chibi plush toy manufacturer! |
| Barry Steakfries is one unhappy chappy. | |
| THE CRUEL ANGEL'S THESIS BLEEDS! | |
| Barry | Oh Tanaka-San, teach me the way of the Ninja! |
| Tanaka | But Barry-Kun, my Ninja skills are only good against Fruit, not Demons! |
| Barry | Then I shall slice them down, with bullets! |
| SWEEP THE LEG, BARRY! | |
| Barry | Oh Tanaka-San, teach me the way of the Ninja! |
| Tanaka | But Barry-Kun, my Ninja skills are only good against fruit, not demons! |
| Barry | But demons are a kind of fruit. |
| Tanaka | Are you thinking of "lemons"? |
| Barry | Oh yeah... |
| SWEEP THE LEG BARRY! | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| Barry | Killing definitely cheered me up. |
| I've gone from an unhappy chappy to a somewhat less pissed off gentleman. | |
| Not bad. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE LOTUS SHOTGUN TECHNIQUE! | |
| Barry | Killing definitely cheered me up. |
| I've gone from an unhappy chappy to a somewhat less ticked off gentleman. | |
| Not bad. | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE LOTUS SHOTGUN TECHNIQUE! | |
| Barry | Maybe being a Ninja isn't my true calling after all. |
| I am just your average, humble Zombie slaughter machine. | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE LOTUS SHOTGUN TECHNIQUE! | |
| Barry | Maybe being a Ninja isn't my true calling after all. |
| I guess I'll just be a regular old Zombie-slaughtering machine. | |
Level 3: Intro[]
| Tanaka | Caution Captain! Super Ramen Samurai may take village and kill! Then laugh! |
| Barry | No problem, Tanaka-san. |
| With your intelligence and my rugged charms, together we can defeat the Super Ramen Samurai. | |
| Tanaka | I dishonor myself! |
(Tanaka runs away)
| Barry | No! Tanaka-san, we need to stick together like the super best friemds! |
| Damn you, Super Ramen Samurai! Show yourself, so that I may salvage the honor of my bestie! | |
| And also kill you! | |
| LAUNCH STEAKFRIES UNIT 1! | |
| Tanaka | Barry-Kun! The Oni Samurai is on the way to slaughter my family! |
| Barry | No probs! With your Ninja skills and my rugged charms, we can defeat him! |
| Tanaka | I dishonor myself! |
(Tanaka runs away)
| Barry | No Tanaka-san! We can do this! |
| LAUNCH STEAKFRIES UNIT 1! | |
| Tanaka | Barry-Kun! The Oni Samurai is on the way to slaughter my family! |
| Barry | What's with these guys and your family specifically? What did you guys do? |
| Tanaka | Sometimes if our bin is full, we sneak our garbage into theirs. |
| Barry | You monster! |
| Tanaka | I dishonor myself! |
| LAUNCH STEAKFRIES UNIT 1! | |
Level 3: Boss[]
| Barry | Super Ramen Samurai, I pressume. |
| Are you affordable and tasty, yet offer little to no nutritional value? | |
| Samurai | ... ... ... |
| Barry | That's what I thought. |
| Barry | Oni Samurai! How about we just skip past this battle and you commit Seppuku? |
| Samurai | ... ... ... |
| Barry | That's what I thought. |
| Barry | Oni Samurai! How about we just skip this battle and you commit Seppuku? |
| Samurai | ... ... ... |
| Barry | That's what I thought. |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Tanaka | Humble and gratious thanks to Steakfries-san! |
| Barry | Hey, I'm just here for the scenery. Zombie blasting comes free of charge. |
| Tanaka | You restore Tanaka honor with with bigness. Forgiveness please! |
| Barry | How could I stay mad at you, Tanaka-san? Think of me when you're knee-deep in sake and geisha! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SAMURAI SLICED! | |
| Tanaka | Humble and gratious thanks to Steakfries-san! |
| Barry | Hey, I'm just here for the scenery. Zombie blasting comes free of charge. |
| Tanaka | You restore Tanaka honor with with bigness. Forgiveness please! |
| Barry | How could I stay mad at you, Tanaka-san? Think of me when you're knee-deep in sake and geisha! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SAMURAI SLICED! | |
| Tanaka | Thank you Steakfries-Kun! You restore honour to my village. Please forgive me! |
| Barry | How could I stay mad at you, Tanaka-san? Maybe one day you can be as cool as me |
| LEVEL COMPLETE SAMURAI SLICED! | |
| Tanaka | Thank you Steakfries-Kun! You restore my honour to my family. Please forgive me! |
| Barry | How could I stay mad at you, Tanaka-san? |
World 5: Future[]
Level 1: Intro[]
| Brains | Welcome, Mr. Steakfries. I knew you would come. |
| Barry | PROFESSOR BRAINS! I shot you, and I shot you good! |
| Brains | Fool. I have travelled to the future before you decided to crash my lab. |
| Barry | So there's countless versions of you running around throughout time? |
| Brains | No, just the two. |
| Barry | Ah. Well, soon there'll be zero. |
| Brains | I don't think so. |
| IT'S THE FUTURE 'N' SHIT! ALIEN ZOMBIE CYBORG DUDES AHOY! | |
| Brains | Welcome, Mr. Steakfries. I knew you would come. |
| Barry | PROFESSOR BRAINS! I shot you, and I shot you good! |
| Brains | Fool. I travelled to the future before you decided to crash my lab. |
| Barry | So there's countless versions of you running around throughout time? |
| Brains | No, just the two. |
| Barry | Ah. Well, soon there'll be zero. |
| Brains | I don't think so. |
| IT'S THE FUTURE 'N' STUFF! ALIEN ZOMBIE CYBORG DUDES AHOY! | |
| Brains | Welcome, Mr. Steakfries. I knew you would come. |
| Barry | PROFESSOR BRAINS! I shot you! I shot you good! |
| Brains | Fool! I had already travelled to the future before you crashed my lab. |
| Barry | You mean there's countless versions of you running around throughout time? |
| Brains | No, just the two. |
| Barry | Oh yeah? I'm about to make it zero. |
| Brains | Well, look at that. Barry Steakfries can count. |
| Barry | Enough talk! Time for the three of us to settle this, twice and for all. |
| IT'S THE FUTURE 'N' STUFF! ALIEN ZOMBIE CYBORG DUDES AHOY! | |
Level 1: Completed[]
| Barry | Professor Brains has truly lost his mind. |
| If this is the future, count me out. | |
| I'm more of a Heaven on Earth with monkey butlers future kind of guy. This reality is a downer. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE CYBORGS RECOMPILED! | |
| Barry | Professor Brains has truly lost his mind. |
| If this is the future, count me out. | |
| I'm more of a Heaven on Earth with monkey butlers future kind of guy. This reality is a downer. | |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Barry | If anyone is going to save humanity, it will be me... |
| ... | |
| Witty dialogue | |
| HOORAY FOR RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS! | |
| Barry | If anyone is going to save humanity, it will be me... |
| ... | |
| TODO - Insert witty dialogue here. | |
| HOORAY FOR RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS! | |
| Barry | If anyone is going to save humanity, it will have to be Barry Steakfries... |
| But if anyone else wants to step in, I'm cool with that too. | |
| HOORAY FOR RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS! | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| Barry | The hell? I wouldn't be a badass action hero if I couldn't come up with solid one-liners all the time. |
| Yeah, I sure showed... | |
| ...those guys. | |
| Right on! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE TIMELINE RESTORED! | |
| Barry | The hell? I wouldn't be a badass action hero if I couldn't come up with solid one-liners all the time. |
| Yeah, I sure showed... | |
| ...those guys. | |
| Right on! | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE TIMELINE RESTORED! | |
| Barry | I wouldn't be a badass action hero if I couldn't come up with the solid one-liners all the time. |
| "Yeah, I sure showed... | |
| ...those guys." | |
| Ooh yeah. Still got it. | |
Level 3: Intro/Boss[]
(Barry runs up to a portal with three orbs, Brains appears as a mutant)
| Brains | What do you think, Mr. Steakfries? |
| My plan has now come full circle. The power of zombies has combined with the technology of the future. | |
| And I, Professor Barry Brains, am your master now! | |
| Barry | ...what? |
| Your name is Barry too? I thought I was the only one! | |
| Brains | Yes... I too know the feeling of being a Barry. |
| Barry | The letter B, jokes about the master of unlocking... |
| Brains | A pain I know all too well. |
| Barry | We truly are brothers! |
| Brains | I love you, Barry Steakfries! |
| Barry | I love you, Barry Brains! |
(Barry looks at the player as camera zooms in on him, then turns around to shoot Brains)
| Barry | Suck on this. |
| Brains | Hey! That hurts. |
| Barry | You're such a little bitch! I like my brains fried. |
| Brains | You will pay for your emotional cruelty, Mr. Steakfries! |
(Barry runs up to a portal with three orbs, Brains appears as a mutant)
| Brains | What do you think, Mr. Steakfries? |
| My plan has now come full circle. The power of zombies has combined with the technology of the future. | |
| And I, Professor Barry Brains, am your master now! | |
| Barry | ...what? |
| Your name is Barry too? I thought I was the only one! | |
| Brains | Yes... I too know the feeling of being a Barry. |
| Barry | The letter B, jokes about the master of unlocking... |
| Brains | A pain I know all too well. |
| Barry | We truly are brothers! |
| Brains | I love you, Barry Steakfries! |
| Barry | I love you, Barry Brains! |
(Barry looks at the player as camera zooms in on him, then turns around to shoot Brains)
| Barry | Suck on this. |
| Brains | Hey! That hurts. |
| Barry | You're such a little wuss! I like my brains fried. |
| Brains | You will pay for your emotional cruelty, Mr. Steakfries! |
(Barry runs up to a portal with three orbs, Brains appears as a mutant)
| Brains | What do you think, Barry Steakfries? |
| My plan has now come full circle, combining undead sorcery with the technology of the future! | |
| I, Professor Brains, am your master now! | |
| Barry | Master this! |
(Barry shoots Brains)
| Brains | Hey! Stop that! |
| Barry | Pff. What are you, scared of bullets? |
| Brains | Yes, obviously! |
| Barry | Understandable. |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Barry | This bad boy is gonna mosey. Shit's getting hot! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE YOU'RE HISTORY! | |
| Barry | This bad boy is gonna mosey. Shit's getting hot! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE YOU'RE HISTORY! | |
| Barry | It's time to blow this lame future where every device starts with an i. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE YOU'RE HISTORY! | |
| Barry | Time to leave this lame future behind. Ahead. Whatever. |
Ending[]
| Runingunin | Welcome back, Lord Steakfries. I hope your journey went well! |
| Barry | ... |
| Runingunin | You don't remember me? |
| Barry | ... Steve Bennett? |
| Runingunin | Moron. It is I, Prince Runningunin! |
| Barry | You found me... |
| Runingunin | ...in the future. Just like you wanted. |
| And I've got a hot steaming dose of immortality coming your way. | |
| Barry | ... |
(Runingunin dances, giving Barry his immortality)
| Barry | ... |
| Righteous. Righteous to the max. | |
| Badass Barry Steakfries is back! |
| Runingunin | Welcome back, Lord Steakfries. I hope your journey through time went well! |
| Barry | ... |
| Runingunin | You don't remember me? |
| Barry | Uh... Zombie T-Rex? |
| Runingunin | Fool. It is I, Prince Runningunin! |
| Barry | Oh, Princey Boy! You found me... |
| Runingunin | ...In the future. Just like you wanted. |
| Now, as promised, I will administer the immortality juice. | |
| Barry | 3000 years and that's the best name you came up with? |
(Runingunin dances, giving Barry his immortality)
| Barry | I feel... strange. Kinda... immortal-y.... |
| Runingunin | ...and done! |
| Barry | Barry Steakfries forever baby! |
World 6: Western[]
Level 1: Intro[]
| LATER THAT DAY... | |
| A HORRIFIC UNEXPLAINED EVENT, TAKES BARRY'S IMMORTALITY | |
| AND SENDS HIM BACK IN TIME, YES... AGAIN! | |
| TO THE WILD WILD WEST! |
(Barry comes out of the portal)
| Barry | What the heck? I just stepped into the 'little Barry's room', how did I get here? |
| Ruby | Heeelp! Somebody help! |
| Barry | What's your name, pretty lady? |
| Ruby | Folks 'round here call me Ruby. |
| Them undead warmins have overrun the townsfolk, you have to help us! | |
| Barry | Sorry toots, been there done that. I'm sick of Zombies. |
| Even if they are in a sweet western themed town with plenty of whisky and hoedowns. |
(Barry turns around and starts walking away)
| Ruby | But my sisters are held prisoner too! |
(Barry stops and walks back to Ruby)
| Barry | Sisters? |
| Ruby | Yes. My very generous... scantily clad... incredibly flexible sisters! |
(Barry looks at the player as camera zooms in on him)
| Barry | Let's ride - Eastwood style! |
| DO YOU FEEL LUCKY? WELL, DO YA, ZOMBIE? | |
| LATER THAT DAY... | |
| A HORRIFIC UNEXPLAINED EVENT, TAKES BARRY'S IMMORTALITY | |
| AND SENDS HIM BACK IN TIME, YES... AGAIN! | |
| TO THE WILD WILD WEST! |
(Barry comes out of the portal)
| Barry | What the heck? I just stepped into the 'little Barry's room', how did I get here? |
| Ruby | Heeelp! Somebody help! |
| Barry | Whoa, whoa, whoa... Who are you? |
| Ruby | Pardon me Mister, the name's Ruby. I'm the barmaid in this here town. |
| And a jewel of a town it was, 'til these undead warmints overran it! You gotta help us, Mister! | |
| Barry | Yeah sorry Rubes. The whole rootin' 'tootin' cowpoke thing really isn't my style... |
| Besides, aren't there other gunslingers around? I thought this was supposed to be a Western level. | |
| Ruby | Every one of our ranchers either skedaddled or became zombies themselves! |
(Barry turns around and starts walking away)
| Ruby | All's who remain are me and a handful of my prettiest saloon gals, with not a single brave feller to liberate our little outpost, not to mention repopulate it. |
(Barry stops and walks back to Ruby)
| Barry | Well when you put it that way... |
(Barry looks at the player as camera zooms in on him)
| Barry | Time to blow the trail dust off this here shootin' iron! Yee Haw! |
| DO YOU FEEL LUCKY? WELL, DO YA, ZOMBIE? | |
Level 1: Completed[]
| LEVEL COMPLETE GUESS THEY AIN'T LUCKY! | |
| Ruby | Gee whiz mister, you sure do shoot fast! |
| Barry | I always shoot fast when I'm with a pretty lady. |
| LEVEL COMPLETE GUESS THEY AIN'T LUCKY! | |
| Ruby | Gee whiz mister, you could shoot a hangnail off a honeybear! |
| Barry | Just one of many reasons I'm no longer allowed near zoos. |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Ruby | My sisters are being held prisoner in the saloon over there! |
| Rescue them and I'll give you a reward... the kind you turn the bedroom lights out for! | |
| Barry | Sweet! I hope it's those glow in the dark stars! |
| GIRLS, GUNS AND GLOW IN THE DARK STARS | |
| Ruby | My friends are holed up in that saloon over yonder! |
| I'd surely give anything for you to rescue them! | |
| Barry | Anything huh? Hmm... |
| Well, I've always wanted one of those 100 gallon hats... | |
| Ruby | Actually mister, I think you mean "10 gallon hat". |
| Barry | I know what I said. |
| GUNS, GIRLS AND GIANT HATS | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| LEVEL COMPLETE ALL ABOARD! | |
| Barry | Hot darn, where's Ruby? It's time for Barry to get some sugar! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE ALL ABOARD! | |
| Barry | Hot darn, where's Rubes? Time for that reward! |
Level 3: Intro[]
| Ruby's Sister 1 | We're free! Thank you kindly Mister! |
| Ruby's Sister 2 | Our sister Ruby will be ever so glad. |
| Runingunin | Ah, Mr. Steakfries - I've been looking for you! |
| Barry | I know you have baby... now come get some fries to go with that shake! |
| Runingunin | Wait Barry, you don't underst.. |
| Mmmhnnsffgghh! | |
| MMMGGHGFFGGHHHH!! | |
| $X@S MMMMMMGGHHHHHGFFFFGGHHHH $X@S | |
| Barry | Darn baby, you sure do squirm around when kissing. |
| Ruby | Who's your friend, Barry? I sure like his dress. |
| Barry | PRINCE RUNINGGUNIN! |
| Runingunin | I hope that was your gun digging into my hip Barry! |
| Barry | Argggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! |
| Wait...why are you dressed as a confusingly hot saloon girl? | |
| Runingunin | No time for explanations, Barry! |
| I've traced the sourse of the outbreak. Follow me! | |
| Barry | Wait... are you wearing Cherry Lip-gloss? |
| Ruby's Sister 1 | We're free! Thank you kindly Mister! |
| Ruby's Sister 2 | Ruby will be ever so glad. |
| Runingunin | Ah, you! I've been looking for you! |
| Barry | Hey lady, you haven't seen a giant hat around here have you? |
| Runingunin | Psst, Lord Steakfries, it's me. |
| Barry | ...Craig? |
| Runingunin | Who? No, it is I, Prince Runingunin! |
| Barry | Oh! P-Runny! Hey! What are you doing here? |
| And why are you dressed like that? | |
| Runingunin | It was necessary disguise myself because of all the zombies. |
| Barry | But why would dressing as a saloon girl protect you from zom- |
| Runingunin | No time for explanations, Lord Steakfries! |
| I've traced the sourse of this outbreak. Follow me! |
Level 3: Boss[]
| Runingunin | The zombies originated from Mad Dog McDraw. He's holed up in this abandoned mine. |
| Kill him and the zombies will no longer materialize. | |
| Barry | A lame abandoned mine? Couldn't it be the saloon? Zombie showgirls are kinda cute when they aren't eating your arm. |
(Runingunin and Ruby leave the scene)
| Barry | Hey Mad Dog! I'm-a calling you out! |
| Mad Dog | RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! |
| Mad Dog! I haaaaate that name! I haaaate that name! You heeeeeear!? | |
| Barry | Fine, I'll call you Princess Huggy McLovinstuff! |
| Mad Dog | Grrrrrr! Let's settle this like real men of the west! |
| Barry | A round of horseshoes? |
| Mad Dog | No lame mini-games here, Steakfries. Count off to ten, then draw! |
| Barry | Ready... |
(If player makes a shot early)
| Barry | HA HA! Take that sucker! |
| Mad Dog | RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! |
| Ya yellow-belly son of a mule! If you're gonna cheat, then so am I! | |
| GUNFIGHT AT NOT-SO-OK CORRAL! | |
(If player doesn't make a shot)
| Mad Dog | RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! |
| I wasn't ready.... the sun was in my eyes! | |
| Enough games, you're gonna die! | |
| GUNFIGHT AT NOT-SO-OK CORRAL! | |
| Runingunin | The zombies originated from Mad Dog McDraw. He's holed up in this abandoned mine. |
| Eliminate him and the zombies will vanish. | |
| Barry | A boring old abandoned mine? Why couldn't it have been the Saloon... |
| Alright bonesy, let's make this quick. |
(Runingunin leaves the scene)
| Barry | Hey Mad Dog! I'm-a calling you out! |
| Mad Dog | RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! |
| Mad Dog! I haaaaate that name! I haaaate it! You heeeeeear!? | |
| Barry | Ok, ok, geez. No need to get mad, dawg. |
| Mad Dog | Grrrrrrr! Time to settle this in true Western style! |
| Barry | A round of horseshoes? |
| Mad Dog | No lame mini-games here, Steakfries. Count off to ten, then draw! |
(If player makes a shot early)
| Barry | threetwoone GO! |
| Mad Dog | RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! |
| Ya yellow-belly son of a mule! So it's cheatin' rules, is it? | |
| GUNFIGHT AT NOT-SO-OK CORRAL! | |
(If player doesn't make a shot)
| Mad Dog | RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! |
| I wasn't ready.... the sun was in my eyes! | |
| You've seen your last sunrise, Steakfries! | |
| GUNFIGHT AT NOT-SO-OK CORRAL! | |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Mad Dog | Argggh! Bury me... with mah booooooots on... ugggghhhh! |
| Barry | Awww yeah, fastest gun in the west! |
| Ruby | Come on Barry, let's go back to my place. You never did get that reward! |
| Barry | You never did tell me your full name, Ruby. |
| Ruby | Why it's Miss Rubenstein McSexypants. |
| Barry | Hey you have the same name as my Great Grandmother! |
(Barry and Ruby walk away, Runingunin starts running after them)
| Runingunin | Ahhh! Barry, wait... BARRY .... NOOOOOOO!!! |
| Mad Dog | Argggh! Bury me... with mah booooooots on... ugggghhhh! |
| Barry | Awww yeah, fastest gun in the west! |
| Ruby | That's some mighty quick shooting, Barry Steakfries! |
| Barry | Alright, don't go on about it... |
| So Rubes, you never did tell me your full name. | |
| Ruby | Golly, where are my manners! It's Miss Rubenstein Clementine Madeline Sampson. |
| Barry | Hey, same as my Great Grandmother! |
(Barry and Ruby walk away, Runingunin starts running after them)
| Runingunin | Ahhh! Lord Steakfries, wait... BARRY .... NOOOOOOO!!! |
World 7: Barry for President![]
Level 1: Intro[]
| Ruby | Barry, why are you dressed as Abraham Lincoln? |
| Barry | Just an awesome side-effect of leaping through that time portal. |
| The chances of it happenning are statistically insignificant though. | |
| Ruby | Well you're just in time and conveniently dressed! |
| Professor Brains has sent an army of mindless zombie George Washingtons to destroy Independence Day! | |
| Barry | That is so unpatiotic! |
| INDEPENDENCE DAY | |
| Ruby | Barry, why are you lookin' like Abraham Lincoln? |
| Barry | Just an awesome side effect of experimental time travel. |
| Ruby | Well, you're just in time, and appropriately dressed! |
| Professor Brains has sent an army of mindless zombie George Washingtons to destroy Independence Day! | |
| Barry | That is so unpatiotic! |
| INDEPENDENCE DAY | |
Level 1: Completed[]
| Good work, patriot! | |
| Barry | Ask not what a shotgun can do to you, but rather what can this shotgun do to a zombie! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE GOOD WORK, PATRIOT! | |
| Barry | Ask not what a shotgun can do to you, but rather what can this shotgun do to a zombie! |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Barry | The ballot is stronger than the bullet, but I'm all out of ballots. |
| FOR PRIDE AND OLD GLORY | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| MISSION ACCOMPLISHED | |
| Barry | I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. Except zombies. |
Level 3: Intro/Boss[]
| PRESIDENT'S DAY! | |
| Barry | Zombie George Washington! I'll send you back to the history books. Again! |
| PRESIDENT'S DAY! | |
| Barry | Zombie George Washington! Time for you to make like a cherry tree and die! |
| Hmm... Doesn't really work... But you get it! | |
Level 3: Completed[]
| Barry | Four score and twenty ass kickings ago... |
| They misunderestimated me! |
| FREEDOM DELIVERED | |
| Barry | Four score and twenty ass kickings ago... |
| I always forget the next bit. | |
World 8: Brains' Lab[]
Level 1: Intro[]
| Brains | Let's check how this game is reviewing... |
| *Click* *Click* | |
| Oh... | |
| I see... | |
| So you guys want more depth, huh? |
(Barry appears on screen)
| Brains | Barry! |
| I know how to improve Age of Zombies! | |
| Barry | So do I! |
(Brains gets shot)
| LESS BRAINS, MORE BARRY! |
| Brains | Let's check how this game is reviewing... |
| *Click* *Click* Oh... I see... | |
| "Dialogue poorly written... Main boss too cliché..." | |
| Oh yeah? Those fools haven't seen the last of me! |
(Barry appears on screen)
| Brains | Barry Steakfries! |
| I know how to improve Age of Zombies! | |
| Barry | So do I! |
(Brains gets shot)
| LESS BRAINS, MORE BARRY! |
Level 1: Completed[]
| LAB CLEANED | |
| Barry | Play the next exciting mission for only $1 in the store... |
| Just kidding! | |
| Tune in next week for a free update! | |
| LEVEL COMPLETE LAB CLEANED |
Level 2: Intro[]
| Barry | Why do I keep running into Professor Brains? |
| What is this Age of Zombies? | |
| Brains | Don't you get it, Barry? |
| We're in a video game! | |
| And I'm the leading role! |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | Not Anymore. |
| GAME ON, STEAKFRIES! | |
| Barry | Why do I keep running into Professor Brains? |
| And what is this "Age of Zombies"? | |
| Brains | Don't you get it, Barry? |
| We're in a video game! | |
| And I'm the lead character! |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | Not Anymore. |
| GAME ON, STEAKFRIES! | |
Level 2: Completed[]
| LAB CLEANED...AGAIN! | |
| Barry | So I'm in a video game, huh?... |
| I knew I had what it takes to be the best game action hero of all time! | |
| LAB CLEANED...AGAIN! | |
| Barry | So I'm in a video game, huh?... |
| I always knew I'd be a great action hero! | |
Level 3: Intro[]
| Brains | You're too late, Barry. Nothing can stop me now! |
| I've hacked Age of Zombies! The game is now under my control! HAHAHA! | |
| Barry | Hack this! |
(Brains gets shot)
| HACK AND SLASH |
| Brains | You're too late, Barry. Nothing can stop me now! |
| Barry | You keep saying that, and then I stop you quite easily. |
| Brains | Not this time! I've hacked Age of Zombies! The game is now under my control! HAHAHA! |
| Barry | Hack this! |
(Brains gets shot)
| Barry | This is getting embarrassing... |
| HACK AND SLASH | |
Level 3: Completed[]
| LEVEL COMPLETE | |
| Brains | This is just the beginning, Barry... |
| I'm opening portals to other video games! | |
| Soon I will enslave all your favorite video game characters! | |
| Barry | That sounds awesome! |
| LEVEL COMPLETE | |
| Brains | This is just the beginning, Barry... |
| I'm opening portals to other video games! | |
| Soon I will enslave all your favorite video game characters! | |
| Barry | That sounds pretty awesome, actually... |
| TO BE CONTINUED... | |
Barry's Banter[]
In pre-2014 versions, Barry could say one of the few one-liners during the gameplay. Each time period has 8 written dialogue options, some of them reappearing in multiple eras. The last two banters of each time era, however, go completely used, and were completely unwritten for Western chapter.
| I love shooting, I like blasting things... | Prehistoric |
| Die, zombies, die! With a dry cool wit like that I could be an action hero. | |
| They may not have brains, but their fashion sense is impeccable. | |
| Welcome to Steakville. Chief export - Pain. Population - You. | |
| Hah ha ha! They go SPLAT! | |
| Die zombie die! Again that is! | |
| Have a lead breathmint! Its leady fresh! | |
| And modern man proves his superiority over ne... an... dat... malls... caveman! | |
| Ooh! That gotta hurt! | 1930s |
| Say hello to my little friend! | |
| This music is the perfect accompaniment to blasting faces in a funky fresh way. | |
| Just when I thought I was out - they pull me back in! | |
| Hah ha ha! They go SPLAT! | |
| Welcome to Steakville. Chief export - Pain. Population - You. | |
| Have a lead breathmint! Its leady fresh! | |
| Aww! I thought the blood would be in black and white. | |
| Hah ha ha! They go SPLAT! | Ancient Egypt |
| Zombies built the pyramids? | |
| Eat lead zombie! | |
| They should name a tomb after me. Steakfriesarium. | |
| Welcome to Steakville. Chief export - Pain. Population - You. | |
| Hah ha ha! They go SPLAT! | |
| My mama always said I'd amount to something. She was right. | |
| Oooh, I’ll just lay in my coffin and throw shit. How lazy! | |
| Aargh! Die Zombie DIE! | Ancient Japan |
| A Throwing Star is no match for my Shooting Bullet! | |
| Hah ha ha! They go SPLAT! | |
| Eat lead zombie! | |
| My mama always said I'd amount to something. She was right. | |
| Watashi wa KILL DES! | |
| If only I had a watermelon to distract these Ninjas! | |
| Ouch! | |
| In space, no one can hear you moan, maggot farm! | Future |
| A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, Steakfries kicked some ass. | |
| Hah ha ha! They go SPLAT! | |
| I'm a lean mean zombie killing machine. | |
| Professor Brains? More like Professor LAMES! Guffaw! | |
| Die zombie die! Again that is! | |
| Have a lead breathmint! Its leady fresh! | |
| Windows 2099! Arrrgh! | |
| Yippi-ki-yay Zombie scum! | Western |
| I bet 'The Duke' never had to deal with the undead!" | |
| Cheap booze, dancing girls and poker... this truly is a wonderful time. | |
| I bet they'll make a movie about this one day. 'A fistful of Steakfries' | |
| Da da dum, da da dum, da da dum, BONANZA! | |
| I learnt all about westerns from watching Three Amigos.... wish I had their hats! | |
| Ha ha, take that [Leaderboard name] | Beating someone's score in Survival/Horde mode |
| I'm so much more awesome than [Leaderboard name] | |
| [Leaderboard name]'s score was a nice warm-up! | |
| [Leaderboard name]'s score is zombie food now! | |
| Wow [Leaderboard name]'s score wasn't tough to beat at all! | |
| YAWN, give me a challenge next time [Leaderboard name]. | |
| I could have beaten [Leaderboard name]'s score one handed! | |
| [Leaderboard name] + Score = PWNED! | |
| I wonder if [Leaderboard name] will cry when he hears I beat his score? | |
| HA, [Leaderboard name]'s score had less digits then my phone number! | |
| I'm going to tweet everyone that [Leaderboard name]'s score just went down! | |
| My new Facebook status update is - I whooped [Leaderboard name]'s score! | |
| [Leaderboard name]1 should learn to play because that score was pathetic! | |
| Good try [Leaderboard name], but your score just went down! | |
| I could have beaten [Leaderboard name]'s score with my eyes closed. | |
| Have I beaten [Leaderboard name]'s score already? That was too easy! | |
| [Leaderboard name] never stood a chance with that low score! | |
| Now to beat [Leaderboard name]'s score | Announcing next score to beat in Survival/Horde mode |
| I bet I can beat [Leaderboard name]'s score! | |
| [Leaderboard name]'s score is weak, time to take it down! | |
| Is that all [Leaderboard name] scored? Watch me beat that! | |
| At this rate I'll beat [Leaderboard name]'s score in no time! | |
| I'm chasing [Leaderboard name]'s score! | |
| [Leaderboard name]'s score isn't very high at all! | |
| All right! A new personal best. | Reaching personal best score in Survival/Horde mode |
| I could kill zombies all day, I haven't even broken a sweat! | |
| Was that a new zombie killing record... Kick Ass! | |
| Zombies are no match for my killing prowess! | |
| A new world record! | |
| A new high score, doesn't get sweeter than that! | |
| And the crowd goes wild as Barry Steakfries sets a new zombie popping record! |
Lite demo[]
Age of Zombies Lite, a demo version of the game that only covers Prehistoric era and 1 survival mode level, has a dialogue change at the end of level 3 and a brand new bit of dialogue to accommodate for demo nature of this version.
Level 3: Complete[]
| LEVEL COMPLETE T-REX EXTINCT! | |
| Barry | Farewell, Zombie Dinosaur King! I am a better man for having met you. |
| Now it's time to visit other awesome time periods and shoot their zombie inhabitants. | |
(Barry turns around, nothing happens)
| Barry | What the hell! Where's my time portal! |
| Stacey, what's going on! | |
| Stacey | I'm sorry Barry. It looks like Halfbrick are trapping you here in the Lite version. |
| Barry | WHAT! That's totally lame. Those guys are NOOBS. |
| Stacey | Looks like you'll have to buy the full version to continue. |
| Barry | It better have some sweet content in it, Stacey! What are they going to give me? |
Survival Mode: Countdown[]
Lite version of Survival Mode has a time limit, the following dialogue appearing when there's only 30 seconds left.
| Barry | What the hell, where did that timer come from? |
| Stacey | Looks like they've put a time limit in the Lite version! |
| You've only got 00:30 seconds left Barry! | |
| Barry | Plenty of time to mop up here and go kick their butts for this. |
Survival Mode: Finished[]
| Stacey | Sorry Barry, you're out of time |
| Barry | Bummer |
| Stacey | Want more?! Buy Age of Zombies now! |
| Barry | Okay then... |