Some of the dialogue pieces were changed in transition from Open Beta to the Apple Arcade release. Most notably, some of the dialogues that had Barry Steakfries were replaced with Betty Beefpies, and all instances of "Mikhail" were changed to "Mik".
Note: Italic text indicates thought bubbles, used when the character is having inner thoughts. Bold text indicates more spiky dialogue bubbles, used when the character is angry or overexcited.
Don't worry Professor, the Elite Rocketeer has been just assembled!
Barry
Hey Craig, are you helping me or are you my enemy?
Craig
I wonder the same...
Note: In the Open Beta builds, Brains was asking Craig "Why is he getting so far?", referring to Barry Steakfries specifically. The dialogue was first added to the game before Betty and Robo-Barry were introduced as a playable characters.
Sector 8[]
Barry
Hey Craig, why don't you fix your damaged helmet?
Craig
Because if I did so, you wouldn't recognize me.
Barry
Good point.
Sector 9[]
Brains
Argh! You again!
Barry
Hey Professor Brains, why don't you appear in the first Jetpack Joyride game?
Brains
I was actually there all the time, at the end of the level.
Barry
I guess my score was not high enough.
Energizer Bot
Blap blap blap!
Barry
Alright, new toy in the office!
Sector 10[]
Craig
Awesome! You have reached the end of the laboratory!
Professor Brains awaits at the end of the last sector of Legitimate Research!
Betty
I have big expectations with a big boss fight at the end of the level!
Who dares to enter the Labyrinth of the Minertaur?
Barry
...knock knock?
Sector 2[]
Betty
Who thought it was a good idea to throw bubbles to stop me?
Minertaur
They're not bubbles!
Betty
Bubbles... bullets... it reminds me of a game I used to play in the arcades...
Minertaur
That game has nothing to do with it okay!?
Betty
Ok ok, just chill...
Sector 3[]
Brains
Bubbles?!
You really thought you could stop anybody using stupid bouncing bubbles!?
Minertaur
Sorry Professor! But...
Brains
No excuses! You fool! Bring the Kamikaze-bot and finish him off once and for all!
Minertaur
Sir yes sir!
Kamikaze Bot
Crin cron cran!
Sector 4[]
Craig
Haha haha!
Barry
What's so funny?
Craig
Have you seen those scientists?
They are all wearing the same uniform. They're so ridiculous!!
Barry
But... Craig... you...
Craig
Haha haha!
Barry
Nevermind.
Sector 5[]
The Science Crew
Surprise!
Barry
Oh no... you again?
The Science Crew
You got lucky last time, but now it will be different!
Barry
Really? What has changed since then?
The Science Crew
The budget!
Sector 6[]
The Science Crew
Awww...
Barry
You'd better ask for a better budget next time!
Craig
Be careful, you will find new dangerous hazards in the next sector!
Saw Bot
Bruuuum!
Barry
Sorry, but I don't like shaving.
Sector 7[]
Betty
Why are there so many pinatas?
Craig
It's simple. With so many workers it's always someone's birthday!
Betty
I guess that makes sense...
Sector 8[]
Minertaur
Are you enjoying the Labyrinth of the Great Minertaur?
Barry
Labyrinth? You must be joking. It's a straight line!
Minertaur
It's been designed by me!
Barry
I see. Now I understand it...
Minertaur
Silence! You won't escape from the labyrinth this time!
Barry
Sigh...
Sector 9[]
Barry
Hey Craig, why those scientists don't get burnt when touching the lava?
Craig
Because they're wearing the special boots.
Barry
Oh really?
Craig
Nope, but the developers are too lazy to create a burning animation.
Note: In the Open Beta builds, the scientists did not have a burning animation, with the dialogue lampshading the lack of them. The animations were added in the Apple Arcade release of the game, but the lava still does not harm the scientists.
Now you wish you'd never torn off your sleeves, hum?
Barry
What? No way!
Living without sleeves is my lifestyle.
Sector 3[]
Betty
Hey Mikey!
Mik
It's Mik.
Betty
Are you aware that freezing the player is annoying?
Mik
Come on! Just pound the controls rapidly to get unfrozen!
Betty
Oh really? I didn't know that...
Mik
Yes... we should probably add a tutorial.
Sector 4[]
Barry
I expected more from you Mikey.
Mik
It's Mik, and I've not even started with you!
BRING THE ROBO-CHASER!
Robo-Chaser
PRIN PRIN PRIN
Barry
Wow!
Not bad Mikey, not bad...
Sector 5[]
Barry
I think Mik isn't 'cool' enough for us.
The Science Crew
Guess who's back?!
Barry
Oh... the Science Crew... what a unsurprising surprise...
The Science Crew
Don't tell me you expected us?!
Barry
Come on guys, you appear once per lab. It was obvious!
The Science Crew
Anyway, prepare for trouble!
Sector 6[]
The Science Crew
Awww...
Betty
I'm starting to take affection to these 3 guys.
Freezer Bot
Chuck chuck chuck!
Betty
The fun seems to go on!
Sector 7[]
Brains
I'm surrounded by incompetents!
Mik
But they're too elusive.
Brains
I'm not interested in your excuses!
You sure don't even know the company rule.
Mik
"Do what is in the best interests of Legitimate Research".
Brains
Well this time you were lucky.
Sector 8[]
Betty
Hey, why are you wearing a mask?
Mik
There is a weird smell in the air.
Betty
I hope it's not toxic waste.
Mik
No way, cauliflower was on the menu today.
Note: The dialogue was completely different in the Open Beta builds:
Barry
At what point did you think it was a good idea to tie a missile to your back?
Mik
It's not a real missile, it's a canteen.
Barry
Okay, another cliché
Mik
What? You think it's full of vodka just because I'm Russian, right?
Barry
No no, I didn't mean to say that.
Mik
Well, as it turns out, yes. But that doesn't mean anything.
Sector 9[]
Mik
Prepare to compete against my latest creation!
Introducing...
THE BOXER BOT!
Boxer Bot
Chuck chuck chuck!
Barry
It has nothing against my... Mega Barry-Punch!
Note: "Mega Barry-Punch" is a reference to the third episode of Jetpack Joyride Shorts, "Robo-Barry", in which both Barry and Robo-Barry use it as the name of their punching attack.
Sector 10[]
Mik
I must admit that I'm surprised.
I never expected a guy like you could reach this point.
Barry
A guy like me? What do you mean?
Mik
Well, you know... you're probably not the strongest man in the world.
It seems that Nixie is training an army of mutants.
When she gives the order they will come out of the sewers and start the rebellion.
They intend to steal the water from the oceans and take it back to their home planet!
Barry
Relax, Craig, water falls from the sky!
Craig
...
Sector 3[]
Nixie
Dang it! How can I stop Barry and Betty?
Minertaur
What about... bouncy balls?
Nixie
...
No, thank you.
Sector 4[]
Barry
This humidity is unbearable.
Craig
Tell me about it, my scuba mask is fogged up and I can't see a thing.
Nixie
Hello, the atmosphere is a bit dry.
I'm going to turn on the humidier for a while.
Barry
!!!
Sector 5[]
The Science Crew
Sixth time's the charm!
Craig
Go away guys, we don't want any trouble.
The Science Crew
Look at that! If it isn't research officer no. 283764...
Craig
My name is now Craig.
The Science Crew
You've changed, man! You used to be cool!
Note: The Science Crew calling Craig a "research officer no. 283764" contradicts Craig's ID card from Jetpack Joyride Shorts episode "Level 2", in which Craig's Legitimate Research name was "Research Officer 2837655".
Sector 6[]
The Science Crew
How it itches...
Brains
All of you! All of you have failed!
Mik
They are unstoppable, Professor!
Queen V
Not even my power from beyond the grave could defeat them!
Red Photon
And what can we do at this point?
Minertaur
Maybe some bouncy balls...
Brains
Silence!
Nixie, what extremely evil and wicked plan do you have in store?
Nixie
First and foremost:
Turn on the humidifier.
and the following:
Bring out the Mutant Mutant
Dragonfly-Bot
GRRRRR!!!
Sector 7[]
Betty
She's a fish!
Barry
She's human!
Betty
She's a fish!
Barry
She's human!
Nixie
Neither one nor the other: I am a mermaid!
And from Mars no less!
Sector 8[]
Nixie
Humans must be exterminated.
Betty
What a toxic woman!
Nixie
You are responsible for water pollution.
Betty
Well, nobody's perfect...
Nixie
Moreover, you are the cause of climate change.
Betty
Anybody can make a mistake...
Nixie
But most of all, you are behind the worst invention in the world.
Pineapple pizza!
Betty
We are unforgivable...
Sector 9[]
Nixie
How is it possible?
You've got me up to my tentacles!
This is the last time I will repeat it:
The next person who turns off my humidifier gets it!
Sector 10[]
Nixie
Insignificant and dehydrated humans!
Prepare to be defeated by my mutant power!!!!
Craig
I'm out of here! Help!
Barry
Go get your ticket back to Mars, babe!
All Sectors Cleared[]
Nixie
I'm exhausted, do you have a glass of water?
Barry
Wow, this is all you guys got?
Betty
Well, it was no bid deal!
Brains
Insolent!
Minertaur
Wait, I still have some bouncy balls left!
Mik
Give it a rest, these guys are harder than steel!
Queen V
Ugh, you don't even let one take a nap!
Red Photon
They don't run out of batteries!
Brains
It won't stay that way!
Craig
Well, technically yes.
It seems that the story of the game is over.
Betty
So soon, with all the fun we were having.
Barry
How about trying it again?
Brains
Now it won't be easy, get ready!
Menu tutorials[]
Upgrading Jetpack[]
Craig
It's time to install the Core to upgrade your Jetpack.
Barry
So you're saying I shouldn't be using it to hold the garage door open?
Craig
The Core will significantly improve all your Jetpack stats.
It will also increase the Score you get during the game!
Barry
Gotcha, installing Cores is good.
(After the first Core is installed)
Craig
Take these Coins and buy some Health and Attack upgrades.
(Player is given 1500 Coins, after upgrading Health and Attack stats with them)
Barry
Ooh yeah, I can really feel the upgradiness.
(After player earns the second Core)
Craig
To install a new Core you need to spend Gems.
Here, this time I'll give you the Gems for free. Next time it's up to you!
(Player gets 5 Gems, After the second Core is installed)
Barry
Did you see that? That was a banger!
Craig
Let's test your new and improved Jetpack!
Daily reward[]
(After Jetpack sub-menu is closed for the first time)